A Baker's DozenDavid Matherne1 I ain't no valedictorian. I'll give you that. But I'm certainly not the loser mystep-father Johnnie likes to think I am, either. Mr. oh-so-famous local JohnniePipehead of "Johnnie on the Spot Plumbing." (Real clever name, huh?) Justbecause he only took the requisite twelve years to make it through schooland graduate from his alma mater, and I took slightly longer, th
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A Baker's Dozen
David Matherne
1 I ain't no valedictorian. I'll give you that. But I'm certainly not the loser my
step-father Johnnie likes to think I am, either. Mr. oh-so-famous local Johnnie
Pipehead of "Johnnie on the Spot Plumbing." (Real clever name, huh?) Just
because he only took the requisite twelve years to make it through school
and graduate from his alma mater, and I took slightly longer, that doesn't
make me a loser. So what if I took "the road less traveled by" and added a
one-year, scenic detour to my journey--thanks to Algebra, Physical Science,
and well...Latin. Did I mention Chemistry? Let's just say I liked Latin but Latin
didn't much care for me. Just because I took thirteen years in all to get out of
Melancholy High with a diploma doesn't make me some loser. Being nothing
at all, now THAT would make me a loser.
2 I am something. But what I am, and what I'll be, are two countries at war at
present. Battles, I've had them. Many battles. Literal ones...figurative
ones...too many. Figurative language...see there? At least I did learn a few
somethings in Mr. J's English class.
3 I could've been the valedictorian. Of somewhere. Of some school that had a
bunch of unmotivated kids like me. Then, maybe I would have gone to those
Physical Science study halls. Maybe I would have actually done my
homework in Mr. Pugnacious' class. Real name, Pugliese. Wrestling coach.
Don't you just love that moniker? For a wrestling coach...Pugnacious. Funny
stuff, huh? Made that up. It stuck. Guy's got a bulldog face but a little tailwagging personality. Had everything but the panting. And the drool. Too
much caffeine I suppose. Too happy. Loved his math, that Pugnacious.
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